Welcome back to my tea time, friends! Take a seat at my table! Would you like one lump or two lumps in your tea? :)
The last time we gathered, we talked all about self-compassion. In case you missed it, I encourage you to read it first! It's so important to focus on filling up our own cups before we can show up for others. Today, as we sip on our cups of tea, we're going to talk about being compassionate to the people that we surround ourselves with.
First things first... just like no one can tell you how you respond to a pandemic, you are in no place to tell someone else how they should be feeling or what they should be doing during this time. This is a personal experience for everyone.
I would also like to take a moment to send my love to everyone who is working during this pandemic. From doctors to grocery store cashiers, thank you for all your help. Every health care worker deserves all the best things the world has to offer because they're fighting day and night to bring people back to health. You're making a huge difference in this world. One of my tea party guests right now works at a fast-food restaurant and girl, go you! Werk! Thank you for making the world a little brighter by selling chicken nuggets! And I want to send some love to those who are struggling. For those that are coping with a loss, remember you are loved and I know it's tough. My thoughts and prayers go out to you as well.
Ready to learn some tips on how to be compassionate towards others? Here we go!
Understand that you probably won't understand.
All of us are reacting to these circumstances differently. We've all lost different things. We're all in different situations. Some are more extreme than others. It doesn't matter if you understand why your loved one is upset. Just acknowledge and honor their hurt. Be there for them. If someone is confiding in you, they most likely want comfort. Make them feel heard, regardless of your opinions on their situation. Unless you've been in their exact shoes and know every inch of their brain (which you don't, no matter how well you know the person), leave your judgments behind you. Be a vessel of love and light.
Validate.
Let your loved one know that what they're feeling is okay. It's normal. No matter how big or small you feel their issues are. This is about them, not your opinions. Be a safe space for them to come to. Acknowledge how hard this situation is. Let them know they're seen and heard. Here I have a list of validating statements vs. invalidating statements to give you a better idea of how to validate your loved one.
This must be really hard for you vs. It could be worse.
I didn't know you were hurting this much and I want to know more vs. You're just dramatic.
I can see you're struggling vs. You're fine.
It's okay to feel that way vs. You shouldn't feel (insert emotion here).
Is there anything I can do to help you? vs. You'll get over it.
I can see you're hurting vs. You take everything too personally.
I don't understand what you're going through but I'm here for you vs. It's not a big deal.
Avoid accusing statements or dismissing the problem. You want the person to know they're welcome to speak to you and leave feeling comforted. Come to them from a place of love. If you validate the person, they're likely to keep opening up and trust you again in the future!
Avoid unsolicited advice.
Let me be the first to raise my hand to say that I've given unsolicited advice. Up until a while ago, I had no idea it was a trait of bad listening! I like to think I have the greatest advice in the world, hence my blog ;), but people may not always want it. If someone is confiding a problem they have to you, unless they ask for advice, don't give it. Most times people just want to vent! I understand how strong the temptation is to give some advice to comfort your loved ones. We're all beautiful and knowledgable people here! But unless you're asked for your opinions, stick to some of those validating statements listed above.
Do something to make your loved one smile.
And expect nothing in return! This can range from sending an "I love you" text to baking your loved one's favorite cookies. Maybe you do the dishes when it wasn't your turn. Maybe you offer to help your parents with some chores. Do something that spreads love and good vibes.
Give loved ones their space.
Sometimes all we want is to cuddle with the ones we love or facetime into the early hours of the morning. Other times we need some breathing room. It's so tough to see the ones we love look sad. But poking and prodding them won't make it any better. Let them be. They'll come around when they're ready. Fussing over them will push them away. Also, there seems to be two sides of how we should be handling ourselves during this time. Either relaxing and reflecting or hustling and grinding. Whichever your loved one chooses, let them be. If you're all about hustling and they're all about relaxing, it's okay to have habits than them. They deserve the space to do whatever serves them during this time.
Do self-care together.
Facemasks anyone? Taking care of yourself while taking care of one another is the perfect way to spread the love! Go on a walk together, play a fun game, read books together, or whatever makes you happy. Bring on the self-love and good vibes!
But remember...set your boundaries.
Once again, I highly encourage you to read up on my self-compassion post! Of course, it's important to be there for the ones you love, but if you notice after a while listening to other's stress is making you feel from anxious, feel free to take a break from helping others to take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself and be gentle with others.
I hope you enjoyed these tips! Do you remember that "golden rule" we all learned back n elementary school? "Treat others how you want to be treated". That's so true right now. Think about the ways you've been compassionate to yourselves. I know all my tips from my last post have helped you ;). Give that same compassion to other people. There's a lot of negativity in the world right now, but we have the power to put positivity out there. We need as much compassion as possible. Be understanding, kind, gentle, generous and all things loving. We can all support one another. Each and every one of you reading this has a beautiful light inside you. Let your light shine bright.
xoxo,
Camryn